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Hey there ladies...
I thought I ought to write...

I am seriously disturbed by some of my thinking... Like I have been doing pretty well mood wise but I think with my mood better my eating/weight is gone bad. I am not losing, I am having a heck of a time controlling what i am eating.
I am so DISGUSTINGLY fat i want to puke.

At one point last week I weighed in at 168! It was at night but still! That is almost 40 lbs more than september! It is DISGUSTING!

I feel like I have no control. I feel like a failure, I want to be able to restrict and get smaller.

I like my bones. I may not entirely be able to see them when i weigh less but I can feel them.I miss that. I miss laying on my back and running my fingers along my ribcage. Feeling the jutting of my hip bones. I rarely saw them but my vision of myself is whacked. Feeling them was at least a small assurance that I wasn't a total failure.

It doesn't help I am not too active. I am not a huge fan of exercise... I know, I know exercise stimulates your metabolism and weight loss. I just do not have the will power to force myself. I do it for a couple days but stop.

I should do a regular exercise time... Like everyday at 7 pm I exercise for at minimum 30 minutes (add more as I get used to it)

I should be able to do that... I heard that if you do something around 20 days in a row consistently it becomes more habit.

I have been doing something similar with eating breakfast... eating breakfast when I get up for the day. I don't really like it but I am getting used to it.

Uggg it is 1 am, I am not real tired but what is new I am at my sisters... my nephew had his birthday party today (well I guess yesterday now) and Later today (Saturday) my nephew has his soccer tournament. I plan on going to that... Yay it is good support for him. I just hope I can stay focused. I dont want to be rude and like bring something to do either. But sports are not really my thing.


Ummmm Tigers birthday is this month... i got him another toy (not surprising lol)
I miss him when I am at my sisters... This coming week is going to be horrible. My sister is having surgery monday so I am going to be at my sisters till like thursday/friday. I dont want to uproot tiger and bring him to my sisters... but man I am going to miss him... i hope i will be able to visit.

So yeah that is my coming week... I have my therapy appointment monday and my psychiatrist wednesday...

Alright I guess this is it for tonight.
<3
~Kristi
=^..^=