so im freaking out right now... i want to bp, i have like no food... I just want to sleep

the eval at the partial was well i dont know the right word to describe it
They think I may be too underweight to go, meaning I may have to go inpatient first.

I was really not happy about that.... but then they said my insurance is being very strict with people now adays because of budget cuts and I will only be allowed 25 days at the partial. that is 5 weeks. they think I will do better ip then go to the partial, i will be able to get more from the partial.

so the freaking out tonight is i really thought I was fine but im not. my potassium is low, and i still bpd today and took lax. I dont want to be hurting myself. my legs are hurting a lot tonight. I didnt think I was hurting myself but I am, i dont want to die from this. I want to be okay.

I called my therapist and told her that I think I want to be put on a psych unit until I can get to the eating disorder hospital. I dont want to be home and deal with the feelings of binging and purging. I cant deal with all that I am feeling right now. I just want to go back to feeling like everything is okay, but actually have me being okay.

I have been crying for the last hour or so... I have to get up early and go get bloodwork tomorrow... im scared my potassium has not righted itself.

What other damage have I done to myself? I cant deal with this.
I am going to bp... i have some broccoli in the freezer and some fish... i know its not much but maybe it will exhaust myself enough to pass out or sleep.