Hi ladies, its about 9:40 pm new years eve... im sitting here on the computer, listening to my niece, sister, (her boyfriend) and 2 people my sister invited. just siting in front of the tv. I dont know what to do with myself, i feel like dispondent or something. I just want to disappear? Ugggg
I tried making dinner for everyone tonight and I screwed it all up. I CANT even make a stupid DINNER!!!
Chicken, rice, cheese and broccoli. Ugggg how was I to mess that up. I am worthless
I feel like shit, i am disgusted with myself, i am a cow and i cant even lose weight. I SUCK
I am done for tonight, I am going to just go veg for the night
I love you girls,
~Kristi
=^..^=
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
cough, cough, cough...yep im hacking up a lung
Hi my friends,
I am writing this in bed at my sisters (well where I have been sleeping) I have been sick the past 2 days. I went to bed early on christmas day because I felt so bad. My nephew had the 24 hour flu twice or he just had a day of being better and it wasnt really gone.
Both the kids are coughing, my sister is just feeling better after her nasty cold is leaving, but I believe I have it.
My oldest niece last night and today got the flu my nephew had, I hope I dont get it because I already feel crappy. But on the other hand if I get it I am bound to lose weight. Ehhh. I just want to go home and get back to my regimen and controlled way of life.
I just wanted to say hi, love you guys
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
I am writing this in bed at my sisters (well where I have been sleeping) I have been sick the past 2 days. I went to bed early on christmas day because I felt so bad. My nephew had the 24 hour flu twice or he just had a day of being better and it wasnt really gone.
Both the kids are coughing, my sister is just feeling better after her nasty cold is leaving, but I believe I have it.
My oldest niece last night and today got the flu my nephew had, I hope I dont get it because I already feel crappy. But on the other hand if I get it I am bound to lose weight. Ehhh. I just want to go home and get back to my regimen and controlled way of life.
I just wanted to say hi, love you guys
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
}:I
Uggg I feel like crap today, I dont know why... I am totally obsessed with insane thoughts of how fat I have become. I NEED to lose some serious weight. I think I need to stop coming over to my sisters so much. I eat too much here.
I was getting dressed the other day and my pants were really tight, I was freaking out, I had yet to do laundry so I didnt have any others to wear. I dont understand the amount of weight I have gained.
I am not as hungry and I am not purging as much. I think I eat 1-2 meals a day. The caloric content always under 2000 (a normal person needs 3500 extra to gain) so seriously me eating 1500 should not have caused this drastic change.
I need to get back to the lower 130's .
Christmas is close, tomorrow is christmas eve. I wish it would be past already.
I came to my sisters to be around people, I have been alone almost all day. my nephew was around for a few hours but he was busy doing things. I cleaned some, swept, mopped, dishes (even though I HATE), uggg I just want to sleep. Go home and sleep and lose weight.
Night my loves,
~Kristi
=^..^=
I was getting dressed the other day and my pants were really tight, I was freaking out, I had yet to do laundry so I didnt have any others to wear. I dont understand the amount of weight I have gained.
I am not as hungry and I am not purging as much. I think I eat 1-2 meals a day. The caloric content always under 2000 (a normal person needs 3500 extra to gain) so seriously me eating 1500 should not have caused this drastic change.
I need to get back to the lower 130's .
Christmas is close, tomorrow is christmas eve. I wish it would be past already.
I came to my sisters to be around people, I have been alone almost all day. my nephew was around for a few hours but he was busy doing things. I cleaned some, swept, mopped, dishes (even though I HATE), uggg I just want to sleep. Go home and sleep and lose weight.
Night my loves,
~Kristi
=^..^=
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Baby its cold outside....
Baby its cold outside... Yeah seriously its really cold. it is 9 degrees out right now and it is 6:35 pm, jeez I dont know how low the temperature will get.
Thankfully I got my HEAP (heating assistance payment) so my electric company got extra money so I dont have to pay as much. When I turn my heat up to like 65 my bill at least doubles.
So I turned up the heat today, from 58 to 65... I am still cold but not as nearly cold as when I went out to get the mail.
I have had a glass of hot chocolate and bowl of soup today to help me stay warm. I have 2 pairs of socks on though and my feet are still cold.
I am going back over to my sisters again tomorrow, take Tiger over, spend the next weekish over there, coming home monday during the day for therapy and tuesday for my case workers.
We put up the christmas tree yesterday at my sisters. I am worried their puppy will try to eat the ornaments or chew on the lights/tree or all of it. I put a lot of the handmade kids ornaments and special baby ornaments up on the top portion of the tree.
I wonder how Tiger will do with it. ohh yeah he will be fine I forgot he was at my sisters last year when I was away in treatment at Centre Syracuse. So he will be fine, I dont have a tree at my apartment, well I do but its a little ceramic light up tree.
Alright I guess this is it for tonight, I really want to go curl up in bed under my electric blanket and cuddle with Tiger. Its now 7 degrees out so time to get warm.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
Thankfully I got my HEAP (heating assistance payment) so my electric company got extra money so I dont have to pay as much. When I turn my heat up to like 65 my bill at least doubles.
So I turned up the heat today, from 58 to 65... I am still cold but not as nearly cold as when I went out to get the mail.
I have had a glass of hot chocolate and bowl of soup today to help me stay warm. I have 2 pairs of socks on though and my feet are still cold.
I am going back over to my sisters again tomorrow, take Tiger over, spend the next weekish over there, coming home monday during the day for therapy and tuesday for my case workers.
We put up the christmas tree yesterday at my sisters. I am worried their puppy will try to eat the ornaments or chew on the lights/tree or all of it. I put a lot of the handmade kids ornaments and special baby ornaments up on the top portion of the tree.
I wonder how Tiger will do with it. ohh yeah he will be fine I forgot he was at my sisters last year when I was away in treatment at Centre Syracuse. So he will be fine, I dont have a tree at my apartment, well I do but its a little ceramic light up tree.
Alright I guess this is it for tonight, I really want to go curl up in bed under my electric blanket and cuddle with Tiger. Its now 7 degrees out so time to get warm.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
Friday, December 11, 2009
holiday blues
Hey Shannon and Laila,
I dont really know what to say, but I thought I should say hi. I have been spending a bunch of time at my sisters.
As the days are going by christmas is getting closer, the more I want to disappear. I know it should be a fun holiday, but I dread it. I wish it were just another day. I personally dont have a problem with people celebrating the holiday I am not like scrooge or whatever but it is just so depressing inside of me... I dont know.
I want to hide in bed for the next 3 weeks. Like the feeling inside me is almost wanting to cry but no tears or anything. I just want this sadness to be gone.
Last night I laid in bed trying to sleep, thought how I could make myself physically sick like severly dehydrated or something to need to be in the hospital, to be away.
I didnt fall asleep till almost 5am the insomnia is driving me crazy too.
I want to feel different, I want my feelings to go away, I wish I could go away, for awhile at least.
I do love you guys, I am sorry if I am bringing any of your thoughts down, I dont mean to. I just dont know where to get all there feelings out.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
I dont really know what to say, but I thought I should say hi. I have been spending a bunch of time at my sisters.
As the days are going by christmas is getting closer, the more I want to disappear. I know it should be a fun holiday, but I dread it. I wish it were just another day. I personally dont have a problem with people celebrating the holiday I am not like scrooge or whatever but it is just so depressing inside of me... I dont know.
I want to hide in bed for the next 3 weeks. Like the feeling inside me is almost wanting to cry but no tears or anything. I just want this sadness to be gone.
Last night I laid in bed trying to sleep, thought how I could make myself physically sick like severly dehydrated or something to need to be in the hospital, to be away.
I didnt fall asleep till almost 5am the insomnia is driving me crazy too.
I want to feel different, I want my feelings to go away, I wish I could go away, for awhile at least.
I do love you guys, I am sorry if I am bringing any of your thoughts down, I dont mean to. I just dont know where to get all there feelings out.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
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