holiday blues

Hey Shannon and Laila,
I dont really know what to say, but I thought I should say hi. I have been spending a bunch of time at my sisters.
As the days are going by christmas is getting closer, the more I want to disappear. I know it should be a fun holiday, but I dread it. I wish it were just another day. I personally dont have a problem with people celebrating the holiday I am not like scrooge or whatever but it is just so depressing inside of me... I dont know.

I want to hide in bed for the next 3 weeks. Like the feeling inside me is almost wanting to cry but no tears or anything. I just want this sadness to be gone.

Last night I laid in bed trying to sleep, thought how I could make myself physically sick like severly dehydrated or something to need to be in the hospital, to be away.
I didnt fall asleep till almost 5am the insomnia is driving me crazy too.

I want to feel different, I want my feelings to go away, I wish I could go away, for awhile at least.

I do love you guys, I am sorry if I am bringing any of your thoughts down, I dont mean to. I just dont know where to get all there feelings out.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=