Okay so its 12:17 and even though I tried to go to bed early I am still up.
I have been thinking, maybe I ought to try treatment again. I think I may be able to get better if I have help in the beginning (like I wanted back in June before everything went to hell).
I dont know though... the only place I can really go to is Centre Syracuse and though the place was good it isnt realistic for long term life skills... for example you eat TV dinners for all meals at the program. No fresh foods... all frozen. I dont know.
I will talk to my therapist about it... I went to the CS website... filled out a form but I have my reservations about if it would be good.
I am aware that I WILL have to gain weight. I DONT LIKE IT but if I truly want to get better, I may have to learn how to deal with it.
I know I cannot go on the way I am. I am tired of it.
I am just so tired of it.
I wanna give up.
but then again I dont, I dont wanna die, but I do want out of my life... if that makes sense.
How do I do this? how do I get better? how do I live with being fat? CAN I live with being fat?
I just dont know
~Kristi
2 comments:
hmm...no fresh food?? only frozen food?? this cant be a treatment center for ppl with an Ed?!!
Do you really think eating food like that, in that kind of way, will help you get better?
You have to think about a way of treatment that will help you in the long run, and a food-program that feels safe for you..
And the most important thing weightwise, you have to gain slowly...for it to work in the long run...
If you gain fast, i dont think your head will keep up and make you feel alright with the gaining...
i just hope you'll find something that will work for you.
love you hun
xxx
Yeah its an ed treatment center...
Honestly I dont know, it didnt help before so probably not.
I dont think there is a treatment program for me...
I think if I get better I am going to just 'have' to do it. Somehow.
Thank you my love
~Kristi
=^..^=
Post a Comment