Okay so I am freaking just a little... Im not going to take it... no and thats final
my psychiatrist gave me a script for a new medication... I thought it would be for depression since it still hasnt gone away... he doesnt tell me much anyway so I just picked up the med from the pharmacy and I looked at the pamphlet that comes with it... IT DOESNT treat depression it is a fricken ANTIHISTAMINE!!!! One of the uses for the drug is for treatment of Anorexia!!! It will make me hungrier and gain weight (it says it right on the pamphlet!)
I cant do this... I CANNOT let myself be hungrier... It will lead to more purging. I am already hungry so much. I CANT, NO I wont.... I will tell him at the next appointment that I am not going to take it. I am sorry, I know he is trying to help but that wont help... it will make things worse.
Okay so please dont think I am this ugly horrible person... I know I am. But I was so hungry and I dont have any money I stole a granola bar from the pharmacy when I picked up my meds. I know please dont look at me like I am this horrible person. I know it was wrong but I just kinda did it without thinking. I was just hunngry. I dont know... I know I shouldnt have and I ate it before I even got home. I should have just returned it when I really realized what I did. (I was outside getting ready to open it). BUT no me being the selfish person I am I just ate it.
Ugggg
What am I going to do for the rest of the week? I wont have any money till friday. I have popcorn, 2 cans of tuna, wine, and 2 bags of frozen veggies (1 broccoli and 1 green beans), a little Fiber One cereal, peanut butter (no bread or anything of that sort). Yesterday I had green beans, 1 can tuna, and popcorn. Ohh I also took 1 serving of Fiber One and mixed in 1 tbsp of peanut butter and a sprinkle of splenda brown sugar. I was so hungry by then I was just looking for something to eat. It wasnt bad.
My weight was up this morning though... 133.0 UGGGG
I am disgusting! I really HATE this eating disorder and the thoughts that come with it. Maybe if I lose more weight my doctor will send me to NYP... I can be allowed to get better then? I hope I would allow myself... I dont know. My therapist wont really send me now so I dont know. I dont think I am sick enough anyway. Even though I am less than 10 lbs away from where I was last time I was there. I was heavier when I got out of there than I am now.
I dont know, I just dont know what to do. I didnt purge the granola bar, thats good.
Ugggg
Alright if either of you (Shannon or Laila) have any ideas on what I should do, I am all ears.
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
1 comment:
i understand hon, who the heck would go on a med that makes you hungrier???? we dont, thats for sure!!! some therapists are just so freaking brainless!!!! Hope you get to talk to him about it.
As i said in the last comment, you are not alone of being out of food..i hate it so much. I wont get moeny until nov. 12 th...and i have no money now..and no food...
You know all the tricks your self on how to lose weight hun, i dont need to tell you any of that..i'm in the same situation as you, even if i eat less, the weightloss stay away..wtf?! i need to lose, and i want to lose...why is that so hard???
thinking of you sweetheart!!!
love you.
Post a Comment