I have not been sick, but I have not been feeling the best.
So, so tired. I hate this darkness... I am so tired but have trouble sleeping... Last night I was dead tired but didnt fall alseep till almost 7am. This is driving me NUTS!
On top of that I think the mess up in my sleep has been giving me headaches. Ohh my gosh do they hurt... I have been inhaling Tylenol to make it through (not inhaling literally). Even more disgusting... I have been sweating like crazy, my body is in overdrive. I dont know what is causing it but it is seriously GROSS. Night sweats- im drenched, day time- the area under my arms disgusting... deoderant is no help, I am using so much... What the heck is going on? Im not hot either! Most of the time I am cold, freezing. Im trying not to cover up a lot even though I want to. But that might make the sweating worse. UGGG. I need to actually wash my blankets, I dont usually wash them much but I think they smell? I change my bed sheets often but havnt done the blankets. Uggg. I hate having to change my pajamas in the middle of the night, and eing able to put my hand in my hair and have it come out wet with sweat. ICK. My body seriously HATES me!
I feel like a disgrace and part of my avoidance of posting is I have gained a little... I know it doesnt matter to you guys, and if it meant I was healthier you would probably think it were good. (I would if my brain let me).
I am so scared about my weight, I know its up so as a kind of mind trick I weigh myself with my pajamas on... even though I know it doesnt fool me I say to myself that ohh i weigh more because of the pajamas... but logically I know pajamas wont make me 136-138 (and once 141, I almost fell over with that one).
I think my eating is different but then again I dont really know for sure... I think I am trying to not purge everything, I feel like I am not purging as much (maybe 1 time a day, maybe?) I dont know I feel very disconnected.
I was really stressing out about Tiger on thursday, my therapist said I was projecting because I dont feel stressed out about moving. I dontknow. I know I am moving and I just want Tiger to be as comfortable as possible. I know it is going to be stressful for him.
Checking out the new carrier (Voluntarily!!!) Such a pretty boy ehh?
I dont know where they came from but I found 2 fleas on Tiger. he doesnt go outside. I have been combing him to check for more. I hope he doesnt get them again, I dont have the money right now for treatment. and then when I move I will have to make an appointment at a new vet and that will cost more because it will be his first time there. Uggg. Why fleas NOW?
Alright I guess that is it for now... HUGZ my loves
~Kristi
=^..^=
1 comment:
hey hun.
i've missed your posts!
i really hate insomnia!!! but why dont you get anything to sleep on? i need that at times, cause if i dont take them i'll just toss and turn in bed all night..but last week i've been home, at my parents place, and i've been sleeping well without any drugs tho.
hmm, i started to sweat very much after i started taking anti dep. at nights, out walking etc...and i still do, even if im not on them anymore.
I understand the frustration about the weight, i'm with you at that point you know..it just messes with you head too much..ugh
i'm decreased my purging as well now, since im at my parents place, i dont have any bp's..i just purge my dinner, if i have any. I had a planned bp today tho, cause i didn't have any dinner, and i craved something salty..
love you girl.
hugs
xxx
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