Hey my loves,
umm not a lot to say about eating... I ate and purged twice today... but I ate and didnt purge once. and I have yet to take my meds and I dont have any popcorn to take them with so I have to figure something small to eat... great!
I am really tired, I cleaned a bunch today, I was able to vacuum without scaring Tiger to death... I shut him in the bathroom... I swept and moped, cleaned the table, put clothes and blankets in vacuum bags... I am shaky from purging.
I wanna eat to stop the shakiness, but if I eat I will have to purge again... uggg... ohh this cycle NEEDS to STOP!!!
I had a dream last night that this lady I used to work with (a psychiatric nurse practitioner PNP) but she wasnt a PNP in my dream but she came to my house and was talking to me and told me I needed treatment again. She wanted to send me somewhere... I remember telling her that I could only go to either New York Presbyterian or Centre Syracuse... she didnt like either of them. It was very confusing... When she was leaving my apartment she saw all my food wrappers and containers on the counter in the kitchen. (I dont have a huge counter and sometimes I just leave all my containers and stuff overnight). She looked at the containers and wrappers and looked at me and said, "I dont understand, how can you look the way you do and eat all that?"
OH my god! I am a PIG!!!!
I called about another apartment today... I am going to talk to my case worker and give my 30 day notice tomorrow for my apartment.
Alright this is it for tonight... Laila I am so glad to see you back, Love you
Love you too Shannon
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=
1 comment:
hey hun.
the cycle is hard to stop, especially if you dont have other things to fuill your life with, but then again, you usually dont have anymore energy left to do other things...And eating and keep food is the answer...then our brain start messing around...wtf to do??
dreams can be crazy, scary, confusing...but the way i see your dream, it might be that you feel people around you really dont understand your problem, and that might be very right..people cant nderstand unless they've been there themselves..
Thinking about you little one.
lots of love <3
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