Psychocats Journey

Monday, November 16, 2009

decisions

Hey my loves,
Sorry I havnt posted in a few days Laila, I was out of town.

I went and looked at the apartment. It was nothing like he was saying. I cant live there, its not safe.

Ive been making phone calls today trying to figure things out so i have a place to stay next month.

I am just so nervous and freaking out inside. I wish things were done.

Whenever something doesnt go as planned I freak out... I am questioning so much right now... the only thing that I have not questioned is do I want to live with Shannon. That much I know for sure.

Everything else... I feel is up in the air. I feel like I cant make a decision... but what about? I am not sure...

I am a fricken fat cow again, I gained yet again. 142 UGGGG I took a few laxies but not a lot of results...

I ate and purged once... I wish I could just NOT eat till I am back into the low 130's

I have a doctors appointment wednesday, they will weigh me, even if I object they will, They are going to see how fat I really am. Its bad that I know my weight, and I am disgusted by it but knowing my doctor and my therapist know it, uggg its horrible.

I HATE my body!

Love you ladies,
HUGZ
~Kristi
=^..^=

1 comment:

Laila said...

hey hun!!

i hope you get to move in with shannon. whenever you can :)

you know hun, we uasually worry about a lot of things, but almost nothing of things we worry about happens..so maybe we just have to live each day, one day at a time, and try not to worry so much..

Gaining is a bicth..i hate it so much..the metabolism is a crapthingy...wish it could be a lot nicer...

Try to take care of your self my love.

xxx