therapy? whats the point

Hey my loves...
I saw my therapist today... a lot of good that did. I was stressing over the no real food and wanting to purge.
I vented some and then she went on some tangent telling me how i need to do this and this and this. How she has told me over and over again and I am just not listening.

I do listen to her... I know I should eat more than I do, I know if I eat several times a day it will help my metabolism, I know it is not good to purge, I know these things.

I try them, I try days of trying to eat several times a day. I cant take the weight gain. Yes she has told me that I will in the long run likely lose weight. I try over and over... I give up though, I cant stick with it. The no desire to eat during the day (like forcing myself to eat) doesnt suit well, and then my desires to purge. I know purging is not good, if I weighed less I might be more inclined to stop but right now... I cant stop I am already a cow.

I dont know... I am so frustrated. I gained also... what the frick!!!! I am going to start purging EVERYTHING!!! if that dont work, rinsing too. UGGGGGGG I will start walking too... I plan on that anyway.
Uggg

I lost power 5 times last night... 4 times in a row like 5 minutes apart. stupid answering machine kept beeping... scared Tiger... The I lost power again and it stayed off for i think an hour...

Tomorrow I am taking back my soda bottles maybe I will get a dollar something... *fingers crossed*
Well thats it for tonight...
Love you ladies
~Kristi
=^..^=