hey
today is a day i would rather not be a part of... too many feelings... im stuffing myself right now to get them all out shortly

saw my case worker today... talked about mark, that i should call him let him know its hurting me the way hes acting. tell him i care but im not sure if i can keep hurting for a little tiny piece of hope or wish he will come back around

I did text him, asked him to call me when he had time. I didnt bother trying to call him because he would never answer. He text me 2 hours later... said whats up... I asked him to call me when he had time... he called after texting a couple times... I told him that I cared about him a lot and I knew he was going through some stuff right now but I would like to be able to help, I feel like my heart is breaking everytime you talk to me (text) once a week and then dont hear from you in a week or more. I wanted to tell him i love him but i dont know I couldnt give my heart that much out

I feel like crying... I got off the phone with him, grabbed a sweater and put my shoes on and went to the store bought shit and immediately started eating

I called my biological mom while I was eating some snack cakes... only expecting to talk for a few minutes to make sure she got her birthday present in the mail. Well over the summer she was really sick and in the hospital for over a month, thought she had cancer, huntingtons disease, lyme disease... they didnt know what was going on...

Well the doctors told her yesterday that she had Wilsons disease, her body cannot metabolize and excrete copper, it causes liver problems... this disease is fatal if not treated appropriately, it is an ongoing treating disease, she will have it forever.
And now I have to worry too, it is genetic, there is a 25% chance I can have it.

I dont know how to take this, I mean I am pretty okay with my health right now but it can hit you at any time It is a pretty rare disease so that is good but jeez this is crazy

I ate and purged... purged almost 7 pounds of food... I wish I felt that it got rid of my feelings too uggg