hey...
ive been at a loss for words...

i had therapy today... i didnt do what my therapist asked me to do last week... she asked me to go a week without binging and purging, eating 1000-1200 calories a day and  not weigh myself everyday. I thought I did a little bit okay because i purposely kept in a few food items during the week... it was not very much but it was something... i gained weight with it too so i stopped...

today, she made a meal plan thing... i have to try... i told her i will try halfway... i am not gonna tell myself i cant purge if i freak. she said i just had to write down my feelings and what i ate...

she asked me what i ate yesterday... i told her i didnt keep anything specific in, oh then yes i did i said 3 slices of pineapple. I said but i did binge, she asked what i ate for the binge... i was reluctant to tell her but i did. 6 turkey/cheese sausages, 2 popcans of biscuits, and a bag of salad.

she then said wow, that is enough for 4 people.

I couldnt look at her through the whole session

i feel disgusting

i look disgusting

i am disgusting

part of me wants to start to just tell her i am doing the meal plan, and stopping purging... just lie to her... i dont know

i JUST NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT