Went all day yesterday with less than 150 calories... didnt lose even a pound... BLAH
188.4
Well I got up... was getting ready to go to the bank (in Nasty weather) and Missa called me... she was in town and didn't want to drive home in the bad weather... so she took me to the bank... i was frustrated because that messed up my plan to buy chinese
Missa took me to the store to drop of my medication scripts... then we went to walmart... bought a few christmas gifts for the baby and her 2 step kids.
Bought a pizza to cook for dinner, a pack of burritos, and a box of cookies.
Missa stayed till almost 4 and I had the nerve to ask her to take me to pick up chinese... I couldnt go without and I could only get it if she was leaving...
So I got my sweet and sour chicken... ate that, drank soda and ate the cookies... purged...
197.8 to 189 ugg up a little from this morning...
No yogurt or granola today... I am going to try not to bp again... but I kinda want the burritos... but they might be hard to purge
okay here is my latest conversation with Mark... hmmm frustrating
Mark: u must have changed ur number
Me: Why would you think that?
Mark: Ive been trying 2 txt u 4 like 8 days
Me: Oh i know you text the other night but I was busy we talked on thanksgiving its not been that long
Mark: Ok lol all weekend then
Me: Yeah whats up?
Mark: I can leave you alone
Me: Did I say that? Whats up?
Mark: U just seem mad
Me: No its just hard to let myself feel the way i do for you and then i dont hear back from you so i was backing off, protecting my heart it was hurting
Mark: Its hard 4 me 2 im scard 2. i push u away cause i dont want 2 lose u again but im doin it any way idk i suck at talkin bout feelings
Me: See why cant we just be together then, we both want it but i dont want to sit around wondering, i want to be apart of your life too
AND NOW OF COURSE HE HAS STOPPED ANSWERING AGAIN!!!!!!
I hate this... why do I keep trying... i try not talking to him but then I feel guilty that I might be making him feel bad... I DO want to talk to him... I want to see him.. WHY is he being so DIFFICULT! He either needs to tell me if we are in a relationship or not... I have been sitting around for over 2 months now... have not EVEN SEEN him I am tired of this
Now see if I did not talk or text him tonight I would be fine but now I just want to cry and yell... arrggg
Alright later,
here is a picture of our first measurable snowfall
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