hey...well i made it! 149.4! Yay!
Its about darn time! And it better stay below 150!

well today is monday...
measurements
not a lot of changes :(
Hip: 37
L R Hip: 33
Waist: 26
Breast: 31 (32)
Neck: 12
R Thigh: 19.75 (20)
L Thigh: 19 (19.25)
R U Arm: 9.5
L U Arm: 9.5 (9.75)
R Wrist: 5.5
L Wrist: 5.5
R Calf: 12.75 (13)
L Calf: 12.75

That is a difference of 2 inches lost and since last monday I have lost 2.8 pounds

Therapy was frustrating today... did you know binging and purging is a massive waste of food and money? well that is what my therapist said... hmmm something about that sounds familiar, my bank account and kitchen cupboards know that too. uggg
She was okay with my 'fake' food list... i wrote that i binged some (wrote small binges) and she wanted to know what I think about when I binge... I said just food, i think about food all the time... when i actually binge its just i cant stop. I dont want to stop.
My therapist thinks I lost 2 pounds eating what I wrote on the fake food list... (she thinks Im 154) and she said if you(me) can eat throughout the day and just not binge/purge i will still lose weight. Not that I should lose any more weight. My goal should be to maintain. I said no that is your goal. She then said wow yeah that is, she said she and my dr just feel helpless with trying to help me when i am not making the right decisions. I told her i feel like I have a wall up in my head and i dont how or if i even want to work past it right now, I NEED to lose weight.

She said you look good right now, I said I look disgusting, She said no. I said you dont see me naked. She said no one sees you naked that shouldnt matter. I said but I do. The she said but you didnt like yourself when you were 130 what are you going to do then? I said go lower. Then she said "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT? Why did you say that?" I said because it is in my head. she said no you cant, You dont look good there.

What the frick... I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT