hmmm sleep is still a problem... i am having the dreams again that continue every night... not the same ones as before though... it is seriously annoying.... they are about my eating disorder and health problems and treatment and sneaking around and being crazy (literally cannot distinguish dreams from reality) ohh you know the same old stuff uggg

weight 164.0 hmm okay thats good but a big drop... and im due to get my period... yuk
but hey that was my goal for the month! get to 164! yay!

ohh gosh... this morning (well when I got up) was ick ... i was getting right ready to go to the store, I had to pick up a couple medications... i also wanted to return soda bottles for a little money so I can buy bread and spaghetti sauce. well I put on my heart monitor... and I was standing at the time and it was reading 140s... i was like wow already... so I sat down to see how low it would drop... it dropped to the 90s... i was like okay... thats better... but I stood back up and just stood still, not moving anything and my heart rate went up to 130-then 140 and then 150 I was like ohh what the ? so I sat down ... brought my heart rate down to 110 and then laid down to see if it would lower normally...
I got it to lower down to 63... but sitting up shot it back up to the 90s, it recovered a little to high 80 for a second but went back up as I put on my pants... I stood up and when walking around my apartment its been in the 140s... I drank a little powerade zero... perhaps dehydrated?
I went to the store and my heart rate got above 175... right now just sitting here typing its 90... usually its lower...

hmmm something to obsess about...

Umm my mom is doing alright right now... she is home and I am going to call her again later tonight...

Mark set up a date to come over tonight (on tuesday) and well he cant now... I CAN SAY I AM NOT SURPRISED
I am not really looking for a relationship anymore...