hey really frustrated today...
weight 168.6... AHHHH FRICK! up .6 what the heck...
my weight was okay going to bed... 169.8... but Tiger woke me up at about midnight (which he does when I try to go to bed early) and I went to the bathroom, and walked out into the kitchen, not really thinking but opened the fridge looked... was like hmmm some peanut butter and jam sounds good... so I made 3 sandwiches and then made the rest of a bag of frozen bean and cheese burritos... FLIPPEN FREAK... I purged... and rinsed... I thought it came up pretty easy... my after purge weight was 170.4... not outrageous for my body... I dont start really worrying until its like 3 pounds different from am to pm weights... because my body is stupid.

but of course I deserve the weight gain... FAT FREAK

of course on a Measurement Monday!
Might as well get this over with... pissed off here too... only .5 an inch change in EVERYTHING!
FAT FREAK
Hip: 40 (40.5)
L R Hip: 35
Waist: 29
Breast: 33
Neck: 12.25
R Thigh: 21.5
L Thigh: 21
R U Arm: 9.75
L U Arm: 10
R Wrist: 5.75
L Wrist: 5.75
R Calf: 13.5
L Calf: 13.5

So that is .5 and inch for the whole week, and the weeks weight difference +.2
I HAVE NOT HAD A GAIN WEEK SINCE CHRISTMAS!!!!

So I got up and went to therapy today... it was so COLD... we had an actual low temperature of -8 today that was not the wind chill... that was the actual temperature... when I got home it was 10 degrees out... I didnt look at what it was when I left but it was hard to breath and my face hurt.

I told my therapist about me not wanting to leave my apartment and she said its normal in the winter... i dont know I know I dont like winter but I dont remember feeling this way about wanting to be safe inside... but oh well...
I told her about going down and seeing Shannon... and how her treatment team sucks ass.... how she was struggling some... my therapist asked some questions and stuff but then only asked one, saying but your still doing alright arnt you? i was like yeah, wasnt looking at her when I answered... but she must be oblivious... ive lost 35 pounds... I have a hard time seeing it but why cant others... I dont really want her to say much but at the same time I want the recognition that she can see Ive lost weight... but I dont want to say anything... sometimes she asks my weight... if she was going to i had already planned on telling her I wasnt technically overweight anymore but still about 170

ugggg I am so FAT