Alright so I went to my sisters... it was alright for the most part...

Im gonna try to write about it, i am very tired though, only got 1 hour of sleep in over 30 hours...


I ate a few times and couldnt purge right away... i know ive likely gained... i did not weigh in this morning because I didnt sleep.


I had a 'baby' ice cream, then dinner: 2 hamburgers, a pack of steamfresh asparagus, and a bunch of home frozen corn (cooked), I got the kids to shower and finally go to bed, then my sister got up and left for work and then I was 'able' to purge. But I had to eat more first... lol of course...


I ended up making a 6 pack of italian sausage, a 8 pack of hot dogs, a bob evans microwave breakfast bowl... then i purged and then ate 8 stuffed shells I had cooking in the oven... then purged again... Slept for about 30 minutes and at 3 am I ate 4 generic ham and cheese hot pockets, a can of baked beans. Purged...



Alright and for the 'problem' I am going to copy the bit I posted in purple butterfly/mf/facebook group:
I know eating disorders are confusing at times but I usually deal with it alright. Right now seriously I CANNOT make sense of something. I bought my 7 year old (8 in sept) niece a pair of jeans, she is bigger for her age so I got her a size 14 regular. I tried them on the other day and was just flabbergasted that I could put them on and DO them up. I looked disgusting in them and all my fat was coming out the top but I could get them on. Well I gave them to my niece last night and had her try them on... she could not do them up. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS, she is clearly smaller than I am. I thought when I tried them on it meant they were made big, they looked big, I dont know now... I am just so confused. I dont know what to think. I wanted to write on mf but cant get on here, but I knew you guys might understand or try to. I HATE feeling so confused. I like things to make sense and have order, well this is just so abstract in my head, i cant follow it. Sorry for the long post


So I am very confused and frustrated with all this... I dont think that it is logical for a 28 year old to be able to wear a smaller size than a 7 year old, and especially if a height of 5'11" is accurate. I although dont really know if that statement really pertains to me, I am 28, I am 5'11" but there MUST be something different with me, I can put on a pair of jeans that do not fit my 7 year old niece BUT I am STILL FAT. SO this statement CANT pertain to me,



I dont know... I DO NOT like not being able to understand this... I really want to talk to my therapist about it but that will NOT happen... I cannot bring this up... god she will freak if she finds out I can wear something Kayla cant... god I cant deal with her freaking out.



Uggg im so tired... i want to eat too... lol story of my life...



Im gonna go lay down... love you guys