I was freaking out last night though... I bp'd right before bed and for some reason my after purge weight was 123, I kept trying to purge more but was just getting bile/acid...
I purged so much it over stimulated my kidneys (happens once in awhile) and was had to go to the bathroom 5 times in the next 2 hours... and trying to go to sleep when having to pee so much is VERY difficult.
Today is monday... measurement day...
Hip: 32.5 (33.75)
LR Hip: 29 (30)
Waist: 22 (22.75)
Breast: 29
Neck: 11.25
R Thigh: 16.25
L Thigh: 15.5 (15.75)
RU Arm: 8
LU Arm: 8
R Wrist: 5.25
L Wrist: 5.25
R Calf: 11.75 (12)
L Calf: 11.75 (12)
That is a difference of 2.75 inches, since last monday my weight is down 1.4 lbs
So tomorrow I have the appointment with my psychiatrist... not really sure how that will go... Today was frustrating with my therapist... She keeps saying she thinks I am going to die.
I feel healthy though... People can be healthy and not weigh a ton.
She said she was looking online at a treatment place and she was going to call them to find more information...
My insurance sucks so Im not that worried. But you know it would be nice to be able to eat normally. That is the big issue for me... but I CANT gain weight. Im healthy anyway I dont really need treatment.
My therapist asked what I can do to change things right now... really there is not much, I lose total control when I have food, I cant regulate myself to eat less and not purge... at least not here in my apartment alone. AND I am not moving to some group home or treatment apartment... anyway the ones around here I have been in before and neither of them help with eating issues. I AM NOT GIVING UP TIGER NOR MY APARTMENT!
I have a lot of mixed feelings... a ginormous part of me just says nothing needs to change I am FINE... But there is a part of me that acknowledges that I dont want to be eating the way I eat for the rest of my life... But Im not willing to gain weight.
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