uggg i am so tired...
weight 155.4
doctors appointment today...
got called to come in early 3:30 instead of 4
got there at 3:20... was not seen/put in a room till 4:30
i was so frustrated...
nurse has to re-weigh me because they didnt write it down wednesday
about 4:45 my doc comes in
i tell her a bit about my muscles and side pain...
she said my potassium is okay, my magnesium is a little low...
she had no real idea about the side pain and kind of let it go asking about lax use and purging...
i said i used lax like 1 time a month... okay i use it like 2-3 times a month, regular doses too
i told her purging was alright, not excessive, she said how much is that, i said maybe once a day (really 2-3 times a day)
She asked if my therapist knew my eating disorder is not as quiet as it was... i said no, i dont want to disappoint anyone, everyone thinks i am doing so well... and really my mood and anxiety is okay... why complain. AND seriously I dont want to seem noncompliant or not willing to work but right now i dont want to change my eating... i dont want to eat 1000 calories a day, I WILL gain weight. To be honest I still want to lose weight.
She said well I dont want you to lose anymore, I said I know that is when this gets tough... I still feel like I am 200 pounds... She said you havnt been able to recognize the weightloss? I said no, i see it in numbers but not on me.
so i told her i dont want her to tell anybody anything... she said she would give me a little time to talk to my therapist but I had to. If she did not hear from my therapist within a week she would call her.
DAMN IT ALL!!!!
im gonna eat and purge in a few minutes...
i hope the electric stays on... the weather is bad and the electric keeps flickering... uggg the doctors office lost power 2 times while I was there.... and the store when i went to get meds, lost power once... and my apartment clocks are off so i lost power... uggg
if i lose power i wont be able to cook, or use my heat uggg (yeah right now my first thought is cooking)
I GOTTA GO EAT SOMETHING AND PURGE
1 comment:
You keep losing...I understand you dont want to gain again when the weightloss finally is only going down..
I think its weird if your Dr. has to tell you therapist..But now it seems like she will...scary..Good luck on that...
Hope the power will stay and wont give you to much problems this weekend.
Take good care of yourself huni <3
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