Psychocats Journey

Friday, February 26, 2010

snow.... Tiger... motivation

Let it snow! Ahhhggg NO WAIT NO MORE SNOW!!!!
I have so much snow right now it is insane. I got around 16 inches of snow since yesterday! Uggg.... its not the light and fluffy kind either. Schools were closed, the kids were happy.

I came home today... I have missed Tiger terribly. I am so happy to have him cuddling with me right now. I have his 13 pounds sitting on my chest right now, not entirely too comfortable but I missed him so much I dont want to move him! hmmm I love him so much!

I am going to try to start exercising at least 30 minutes a day to get into a routine. I need to lose some weight. I am disgusting. uggggg

~Kristi
=^..^=

Saturday, February 20, 2010

blah, blah, blah

Hey there ladies...
I thought I ought to write...

I am seriously disturbed by some of my thinking... Like I have been doing pretty well mood wise but I think with my mood better my eating/weight is gone bad. I am not losing, I am having a heck of a time controlling what i am eating.
I am so DISGUSTINGLY fat i want to puke.

At one point last week I weighed in at 168! It was at night but still! That is almost 40 lbs more than september! It is DISGUSTING!

I feel like I have no control. I feel like a failure, I want to be able to restrict and get smaller.

I like my bones. I may not entirely be able to see them when i weigh less but I can feel them.I miss that. I miss laying on my back and running my fingers along my ribcage. Feeling the jutting of my hip bones. I rarely saw them but my vision of myself is whacked. Feeling them was at least a small assurance that I wasn't a total failure.

It doesn't help I am not too active. I am not a huge fan of exercise... I know, I know exercise stimulates your metabolism and weight loss. I just do not have the will power to force myself. I do it for a couple days but stop.

I should do a regular exercise time... Like everyday at 7 pm I exercise for at minimum 30 minutes (add more as I get used to it)

I should be able to do that... I heard that if you do something around 20 days in a row consistently it becomes more habit.

I have been doing something similar with eating breakfast... eating breakfast when I get up for the day. I don't really like it but I am getting used to it.

Uggg it is 1 am, I am not real tired but what is new I am at my sisters... my nephew had his birthday party today (well I guess yesterday now) and Later today (Saturday) my nephew has his soccer tournament. I plan on going to that... Yay it is good support for him. I just hope I can stay focused. I dont want to be rude and like bring something to do either. But sports are not really my thing.


Ummmm Tigers birthday is this month... i got him another toy (not surprising lol)
I miss him when I am at my sisters... This coming week is going to be horrible. My sister is having surgery monday so I am going to be at my sisters till like thursday/friday. I dont want to uproot tiger and bring him to my sisters... but man I am going to miss him... i hope i will be able to visit.

So yeah that is my coming week... I have my therapy appointment monday and my psychiatrist wednesday...

Alright I guess this is it for tonight.
<3
~Kristi
=^..^=

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Rant

Hi, Just a short post... I feel like complaining....
So I have been talking (messaging) someone online, he lives close to me... My sister got me to join the site and I was very unsure of it... But this guy seems nice and all... He asked if we could meet... I said lets talk on the phone first... He said great.
I talked to him for about 10 minutes and he said he would call me later. At 9 pm... its now 11:30... Should I feel this disappointed. he may have gotten busy... because he heard my voice on the phone today is he gonna stop messaging me? I was nervous talking to him maybe he took it as not wanting to be friends.
I dont know... He seemed like he really wanted to get to know me.
Maybe I am just getting over worked.
I should just go to bed... I have therapy again tomorrow... but no therapy next week...

I just feel like I was getting my hopes up for someone to just talk to and possibly like me... eggghhh whatever I dont deserve anything like that anyway. Ugggggggggg

Alright there is my rant sorry
~Kristi
=^..^=

Saturday, February 6, 2010

tired...

Just a short post... I am SO TIRED it is not funny... I slept like an hour last night.... I have a very hard time sleeping at my sisters when I sleep on the couch.
After coming home I slept from 1 to about 4.
I am ready to go back to bed. lol
I got my treadmill today. Damn it is heavy. I was going to put it together but I am going to wait till tomorrow. I am too tired to comprehend the directions
Alright luv you guys
~Kristi
=^..^=

Friday, February 5, 2010

tired... fat... cow... tired

Hi, Im at my sisters... its been a long day... im really tired.
I am fat. nothing new there... I ate gross today... didnt purge because I am with my sister & the kids. I ate oatmeal this morning, that wasnt bad, about 1/8 th cup of skim milk and 1 tbsp splenda brown sugar.
That wasnt bad.
The rest was. I went to Newfane with my sister for a doctors appointment. It took about an hour to get there... On the way back my sister stopped at Burger King, I got a double cheeseburger and fries and hot chocolate... I am gross. And then for dinner I ate cheese raviolis and sauce, and then an apple with my meds. I didnt purge anything... I am a COW!

I am really tired, I havnt slept well the past few nights... uggg
So I am going to go,
~Kristi
=^..^=

Monday, February 1, 2010

off.... and random

Uggg okay so today I feel like off... I dont know how to explain it. I thought it was just a headache earlier... but its like my inner left ear, pressure in my head... uggg my neck is really sore (not throat) my jaw is weird feeling too.... my eyes hurt?
Its weird
I ate and purged once... I cut some more of my fabric pieces for my quilt. I told Missa that I would make a quilt for the baby. I think I may be able to finish a baby one in 9 months.... hmmmm I will have to get on myself.

Ugggg I just wanted to do a short post... I am ready for bed... I need more tylenol and sleep. I have to get up early tomorrow... shopping... hmmm
Alright luv ya
~Kristi
=^..^=