hey... im frustrated and scared

my mood has been down, i dont like this
is it from the med change? or whats going on in my life right now? Is the stuff going on with Kayla really messing with me?

I was so scared messing with my meds was going to throw me off... My meds were working well, but because of the bruising and leg pains they changed them...

I am trying to not let myself feel this down, trying to stay busy with crocheting, or reading or playing my dsi or on the computer some. But I just want to sleep, but i cant

I dont like this,

I kinda self injured... not really for the pain or anything but because it was like a compulsion. I am NOT doing it again... I have been si free for the most part since summer of 2006. There have been minor blips here and there but I have not gotten into it regularly. The last blip I had was nov-dec 2008.
I have a compulsion for not letting things heal on their own, I pick... I am so stupid. I have a rash from the stupid bandaid... and I cant leave it uncovered yet.

I had such a headache yesterday... any movement was torture...

i just bp'd, I dont even like it... i made mac and cheese and didnt even eat half of it... (ate some other stuff too)

AND seriously my weight is disgusting... Im not losing right now... 143.0 today... yeah that is a gain... i dont understand it.

I wish I had some ativan or something like it... I could take that crap and not remember days... I dont want to think or remember anything for awhile.

I wish I could just sleep, but even taking sleeping pills wont keep me sleeping all the time.

Im done... sorry for such a crap post