hey... weight 134.0 (i think, i weighed myself, turned on the computer, took my meds, ate a fruit cup, then got ready to write my weight on my log (on the computer) and I couldnt remember the exact weight I know it was down but I even wrote 144 though... I noticed it later)

So I didnt want to weigh myself again after I drank and ate a fruit cup.

I was trying not to binge... I think this is going to be a long process... I purposely kept in the fruit cup (70 cals) at 9:20 am and then 10 baby carrots at 2:30 pm
I tried cooking a piece of fish (tilapia) at 5:45 pm but as i was getting it out of the freezer I saw 1/2 bag of french fries, I grabbed them. grabbed 4 pieces of fish.
Turned on the oven, got the pan for the fish, put the fries in the oven, cooked the fish... looked in the cupboard for more food. Grabbed a box of tuna helper. got stuff to make that... started cooking that...finished the fish... ate it... finished the fries, finished the tuna helper, ate the fries, 20 oz water, then ate the tuna helper...
I could have eaten more but I stopped...
I actually stopped.
went and purged... pre purge 143.8, post purge 135.0

so of course im mad at myself for binging... I tried to do just a piece of fish... it was low cal, i should have been okay... but i just went crazy. is this what it is going to be like?
I know I am not going to stop myself from binging all the time but I would like to have some control over it.

Like I KNOW I am going to binge on friday and I have given myself the okay

I am going to the store tomorrow... gonna try to get some ham and cheese and bread. I want to try to have a toasted ham and cheese sandwich or 2 (because some people can eat 2 sandwiches and not have it be a binge- normal people) but I will purge it... so does that really make it a binge then?

I dont know im all confused on this reducing binging thing

plus side- i didnt get my period this month.... (I am on the pill too) but I got it last month but not the month before that... I wonder if I will get it next month... i can hope not lol

i am trying not to binge again tonight. I think I am hungry though... i dont know... I might allow 1 teaspoon sunflower seeds (15). Or 5 almonds (35 cals) I dont know