well today my weight was 116.8 and 116.6 (I use 2 scales) I am surprised I am down, last night I ate 5 nutty buddy bars, 3 little debbie cakes and didnt purge right away because I had taken my meds right before I lost it and binged... I waited about 2 hours... then ate more and was like okay its been long enough my meds should be absorbed some and purged... I could still taste my meds though (ICK) I even took 2 lax before I purged... the meds must have got in my system because the lax worked even though I purged it.
so my appointment on tuesday with my psychiatrist went as I expected. She asked my case worker to sit in the meeting, she said that she will not see me any longer until after I get more treatment. I either had to get into the partial program with in the next 2 weeks or possibly be hospitalized. She gave me a new med to try... it causes weight gain (zyprexa) but she said it is a very low dose so it shouldnt, but that is what she said about the risperdal. I just picked the medication up from the pharmacy today so I am supposed to take it tonight.
I am trying to get my head wrapped around the thought of treatment... and gaining weight.
I am so tired I am not sure what else to write... I have a bowl of rice on the counter I want to eat but I dont have the energy to purge it so I cant eat it.
I had that almost pass out feeling last night (where i cant see/everything turns black), I walked from my room to the kitchen with it, I felt like my blood sugar was bottoming out, I had just purged... that is when I binged on the little debbie crap. I have not had that feeling in awhile.
I fricken bit my lip earlier and while walking back from the pharmacy I am spitting blood every few steps, it was gross but I couldnt swallow it. Then when binging earlier I bit it again... FRICKEN thing hurts and is swollen so its easier to bite. uggg
I accidentally over drew my bank account... CRAP I called my parents to see if I could borrow $20 to cover the negative so they dont charge me $35 for a $17 over draft. FRICKEN STUPID MONEY PROBLEMS
I have an evaluation with the eating disorder partial on tuesday. I dont know what to really think... ohh and my case worker called my doctors office and got me in there on monday... (surprised because my drs office called and moved my appointment to the beginning of august a week or 2 ago) So yeah I am thrilled about that... not really
im tired, im gonna go lay down
ohh look at my new mug, plate and spoon set
1 comment:
Seems like you are gettin into trouble my partner in ed crime. Well,after all,your therapists are doing a good job tho,cant blame them for not doing anything. So fingers crossed for you.
I was on zypreca,medicin from hell if you ask me. Gave me real cravings. I got them when i started cutting a few years ago,but all they did was put me to sleep...and gave me cravings. So i just stopped taking them...Hope they work better for you :)
Take good care of yourself huni buni <3
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