I f*d up... had 2 okay bps and went for another... should have stopped while I was ahead...

made some asparagus (was initially thinking of keeping it down) but started eating other stuff... so nope...

well i ate biscuits too... that was it but it was 16 biscuits and a bunch of asparagus... well my body wont give them up... damn it... I keep drinking and purging that but its not bringing it up... I can feel a hard lump where my stomach is... the stupid biscuits must have stuck all together... even though I drank about 50 oz when actually eating them...

I cant keep trying to purge... my kidneys are being hyperactive now... that is usually a sign it has been a 'stressful/successful' purge... i tried to think what changes in my body happen to suddenly cause mass production of urine... but the only possible explanation i can think of is a change in my electrolytes... so i cant purge any more tonight... i am taking 4 times as much lax as i usually use to try to get this crap out of me quick...

I did get rid of 3 pounds purging but I am still 7-8 up from this morning... I have not been this heavy in awhile... and god tomorrow my weight is gonna still be horrifying...

had therapy today... my therapist is trying to get me into a partial program... trying to set up transportation... if she can set it up she is starting the referral process she said. I told her I hope the transportation falls through because I dont need this. I am okay medically and physically and mentally... so why waste anything on me... i dont really need it.

but my therapist said she and my psychiatrist and case worker and doctor wont let me starve myself to death (not what i am doing, i am losing fat, im not gonna die, my health is FINE)

uggg so i gotta go pee again... later <3